It’s Ok Ibu, We Got This

Tracking the trajectory of my relationship with my parents, I can fairly say that it’s pretty calm.

There were phases where it became pretty tumultuous, especially during my late teens/early twenties.

Exhibit A 
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It was about the time where I was earning enough money to support myself and I thought that that gave me the free pass to do whatever I wanted. #delusionalmuch

I dyed my hair 20,000,000,000 times

Exhibit B

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from golden monkey to red ah lian, I had them ALL. Much of my hair went down the drain and thankfully most of the clothes did too. Now I’m suffering from split ends and brittle hair. I’m regretfully trying to grow out my black hair #listentoyourparentskids. Yes Ibu, you are right, I shouldn’t have. Okok, that’s enough gloating already mum. *roll eyes*

But thankfully, this Ramadhan gave me much thinking space to reflect on my silly antics. So I decided that it is high time I gave back.

This Ramadhan, my sister and I decided that we were gonna take over the household spendings for the entire month and Raya. The daily grocery run, the purchasing of raya clothes, kuih, house needs etc. and boyyyyyy, has it been expensive. 

Which really made me question my parents’ sanity for enduring this for the past 24 odd years that I’ve been alive. How hard my dad must have worked, the extra hours he must have put driving the taxi while holding his full time job must have been a strain on him while we were younger. Yet I’ve always had a very available dad. Yet this dad still helped with the dishes, fold the laundry and had a lap for me to lie on.

I’m glad that this Ramadhan, my sister and I were able to give back to my parents. May Allah swt always open our eyes to the realities of life, may He grant us humility and may He grant our parents the highest of Jannah. I’m glad that they could finally feel some relieve. Time to sit back Ibu. We got this, Alhamdulilah.

Dear Hafizah, never forget the Magic

There’s magic in Ramadhan.

The coming together of family, food, the prayer sessions that bonds.

It starts the same, Ibu will be yelling incessantly, nagging us to eat. Ayah warning everyone to not go back to sleep until we do our Subuh. The days moves on and during iftar, my sister will begin her spiel.

” Can I just do 8 rakaats for Terawih please?”

“My toes are aching, eyes itching”

Theres magic in how humble the food can be but how hearty the meal is.

Theres magic in bazaar Ramadhan and walking around with Mr Meow contemplating what food we should get, the latest craze we should try. Foreheads gleaming in the steam bath that is Geylang.

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Allah swt saw that our generation will lose touch with family. He saw that we have too much deficit in our soul, that when we put too much into work, we will forget our other responsibilities. So He gave us Ramadhan.

We can even go shopping! It’s like makruh or something if you don’t. 🙆🏼

Ramadhan Mubarak everyone!

Home Reno look book :)

 

Whenever I see pretty homes, my heart skips a beat.

Ok fine, many many beats.

It makes me weak in my knees I tell you.

I know more than anything that what makes a home is family. And I would like to start our home with as much barakkah as possible.

(And as little debts lol.)

But.

I’ve endlessly screenshot things on my laptop and phone I thought compiling it in a post makes the most sense. And if a certain someone accidentally sees this, ie. Mr Meow, I want like this please please please I’ll iron all your white shirts for a whole year.

Here goes nothing. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim may Allah bless this dream and make it come true Ammeeeennnnn!

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Colour scheme

 

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Sofa mat salleh empuk empuk kind yang tidur air liur basi keluar tak bangun bangun

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Empuk bed with movable over the bed table to facilitate breakfast (lunch and dinner) in bed.

 

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Floral wall paper for my study room

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Wainscotting, wainscotting, wainscotting

Classic door and window panels

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Blue is such a pretty colour to be in the kitchen ❤

Gold chrome handles are just.. sigh.

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Chairs must be able to slide under the table, plenty of storage at the bottom

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How my kitchen looks like for now

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Grohe stainless steel matte taps, kitchen aid, dyson vacuum

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But..

We plan and Allah plans.

And He indeed is the best planner.

Wedding Planning

I’m not stressed about wedding planning.

Or so I tell myself.

It’s not stress per se as much as wanting to have things done my way.

Like having the intimate wedding for 100 pax at the function room of the home we sweat for.

But at the first sign of hiccup, I break into this (almost) inconsolable pout.

I think at the end of it all, I’m harbouring ill-spirited desires of just wanting things done my own way (small and simple) so that I can splurge on other things deem as necessary. I can almost here the kitchen-aid mixer calling my name. Dolce gusto coffee maker, is that you?

I envision this techy, modern Parisian chic theme for my home. All glass and marble with sigh worthy technology.

But if we do spend it all on the wedding, what’s left is probably just enough for the mattress.

Sealy memory form with appropriate topper, duvet, beddings and 1500 thread count 100% Egyptian cotton sheets of course.

Nauzubillah, Ya Allah please help me be a little more selfless. Also, it would help if the bedroom industry goes on sale Q1 2018 Ameeeenn.

Moments

When people show you who they truly are through their words and actions,

believe them. 

They know themselves much better than you do.

Believe them, and determine for yourself if you want to invest in them.

Don’t invest in the projection of changing them or hoping for a miracle, but them just the way they are.

And the thing about investment is, you never invest more than you are willing to lose.

 

I wouldn’t get married

I don’t think marriage works without God.

And I wouldn’t get married if I didn’t believe in a religion that propagates marriage.

Here’s why.

You see, the concomitant dilemma of modern day marriages is this; people get married for love, to be happy

But they divorce, not because they are not happy, but they could be happier

with someone else, something else

This is what happens when you live in an individualistic society.

We are inherently selfish creatures. Women want from men what men can’t give because they are just not wired the same way and vice versa.

We contradict ourselves with our wants.

In the words of Esther Perel, top marriage counsellor and psychotherapist ,

On one hand, we want security, predictability ,safety, dependability, reliability, permanence. These anchoring grounding experiences in our lives.

But we have an equally strong need for surprise, for adventure, novelty, mystery, risk, the unknown, unexpected.

Reconciling it into one relationship is a contradiction in terms.

We come to one person for the things an entire village used to provide;

give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity

but give me transcendence, mystery and awe

comfort and edge

novelty and familiarity

predictability and surprise

we think it’s a given and toys and lingerie will save us.

 

 

So why do we get married? Why do we give out a part of ourselves for this institution, commit our lives to another that can’t give what we idealistically want?

Because Allah swt has promised that a woman that takes care of her prayers, protects her chastity and makes her husband happy, will be able to enter jannah from whichever door she chooses.

And that’s enough for me.

If we see only what is in front of us, our struggles and sacrifices without having a clear sight of the end, everlasting goal, the institution of marriage will never work. If we only see our husbands as liabilities, his shortcomings to what he actually provides, our early mornings to prepare breakfasts and our daily responsibilities to keep house while building a career, our marriages will never work.

Theres something greater than all of us.

Have faith.

And Hafizah, time to finish up your assignments :p