Making hard decisions

I think.. all my life, I’ve yet to make difficult decisions.

Everything was just one step after another.  Most of my peers felt the same way too. If you do reasonably well in school, you go through the system that has been evenly paved out for you.

I went to school, did my A’s, went to Uni, fell in love.

I never had to take no for an answer. If it was something I really wanted, I probably could find a way to get it. Come hell or high water, Nur Hafizah never really hears “No”. She hears “maybe”, “possibly”, “only with the right incentive of course 😉 ” instead.

I’ve realised how much of an ego booster that is. And this perception of self-fulfilment.. well, it’s just a farce.

I finally understand now how tidy plans can never happen without the help of the Almighty. And I’ve just been lucky to have all the stars aligned. (Alhamdulilah)

But what happens when the cookie no longer crumbles my way? There’s no charts to fill in, tables to determine the best probability forward. How does one use her “instincts” if it has not been honed before?

So these past few days, it’s been Tahajjud prayers for me. Somehow, when I wake up for Subuh after, I no longer feel the weight heavy against my chest. I mean, my body had ran out of snot already, it’s all dry and crumbly on the prayer mat 😀

I’ve been cheating a little too. I’m asking Allah swt not to grant me patience, but instead, just take it all away already and make things easy for me. Lol, always the cop out way.

But in all honesty, I pray for all of you to have peace and happiness in your lives. And the ability to go through hardships with grace. I hope that you too could spare a prayer for me. Remember, don’t ask God for patience for me ok, tell Him I’m weak and ask Him to take it all away already!! :p

 

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Toilet Break(s)

If you guys grew up in a big family, you’d know how hard it is to keep things to yourself.

You don’t close your bedroom door unless you’re changing, or keeping the aircon in. You are expected to be present; Netflix together in the living room, eating together when you’re home. And today had to be a Sunday. That means the world and their issues would be home.

 

Well today, I was stuck in a conundrum because there’s no way I could go home tear-streaked blotchy face. I walked around the estate, and then some more before my armpits started dripping in the steambath that is singapore #whatatraitor

Went home anyway after scrubbing my face clean. I actually bought $2.50 packet of tissues from NTUC because all the $1 tissue Aunties and Uncles are prolly on leave/conspiring against me. Almost immediately my mum caught on. I must have reeked despair. Might as well carry a sign. What a waste of $2.50

So here I am, sitting in the toilet every time I feel a crying jag coming. 😦

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Thank god I scrubbed it clean yesterday 💁🏻

Raya open house at our home..?? Serious.

This Ramadhan and Hari Raya was indeed a blessed one, I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the number of ways how it was great

I got to spend the entire month without a single work responsibility

I cooked, shopped, made kuihs (which I coerced people into eating, lol!), prayed teraweeh, khatam the quran

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Along was around for the first time in 6 years.

And because her wedding had a grand total of 50 odd attendees (<3) my parents thought that it would be a good idea for us to have a small open house so that family that couldn’t come for the wedding could come for this instead. In this 25 years that I’ve been alive, we barely go out for raya, or had much guests for raya let alone have an open house.

And you would think that an open house is easy right…? You cook a little, you clean a little, and that should be it.

HO BOY. 

My mom went absolutely nutso batso.

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Malam raya at Geylang. This was after all the cooking, cleaning and takbir that went on. #pasrah

Suddenly, the carpet did not match the ceiling, the water wasn’t wet enough.

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“Our home has no plants,” Ibu says. WHEN WAS THAT A PROBLEM??!

She got inspired and wanted to be a gardener, a chef, a professional cleaner all in one day.

Well, her idea(s), my execution (of course). 

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Have you guys been in a situation where you had to lug huge ass indoor plants by yourself, cart them into an uber to ikea to buy more shenanigans then cart the WHOLE  loot back home on another uber?? Ya, me neither. Until 4 weeks ago that is. #nasibbaiksayang #anaksyurga LOL.

She even lifted her “no artificial sweeteners for children” mantra and got cotton candy, lollies, chocolate fondue all for the little (and not so little) guests.

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PSA: I’m sorry if your kids drove you up the wall that day. Dry cleaning on my mom, please take a number.

Ibu cooked up a storm, we ensured that every corner of the house sparkled and ibu even tried to sneak ah moo and twinkleboobs into the washing machine. #theydidnotappreciateit #theyareclean #thankyouverymuch

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I had a blast being with family, my grandmothers especially.

I could tell that Ayah especially was proud that he has reliable children (READ: daughters) that he could count on to keep the food warm, to entertain the guests and clean after the mess once it was all said and done.

Perhaps next raya, Insyallah, I would be settled in my own home.

But this right here, will always be home and family.

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Movie Date

A couple of days back, Mr Law decided that we’ve not been hanging out enough

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(READ: He misses me)

Naaawwwwww

and wanted to grab dinner and a movie. I was excited even if the movie had to be Transformers (he enjoys them hiak hiak movie, I enjoy sitting next to him. WIN!)

We had dinner at fatpapas, a hipster type place 5 mins from his work place and went to JEM after.

Well, the Fazal-watching-during-movie-watching did not quite work out. Lol!

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But thanks for the dinner and comfy chairs treat baby. I sure had fun!

 

It’s Ok Ibu, We Got This

Tracking the trajectory of my relationship with my parents, I can fairly say that it’s pretty calm.

There were phases where it became pretty tumultuous, especially during my late teens/early twenties.

Exhibit A 
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It was about the time where I was earning enough money to support myself and I thought that that gave me the free pass to do whatever I wanted. #delusionalmuch

I dyed my hair 20,000,000,000 times

Exhibit B

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from golden monkey to red ah lian, I had them ALL. Much of my hair went down the drain and thankfully most of the clothes did too. Now I’m suffering from split ends and brittle hair. I’m regretfully trying to grow out my black hair #listentoyourparentskids. Yes Ibu, you are right, I shouldn’t have. Okok, that’s enough gloating already mum. *roll eyes*

But thankfully, this Ramadhan gave me much thinking space to reflect on my silly antics. So I decided that it is high time I gave back.

This Ramadhan, my sister and I decided that we were gonna take over the household spendings for the entire month and Raya. The daily grocery run, the purchasing of raya clothes, kuih, house needs etc. and boyyyyyy, has it been expensive. 

Which really made me question my parents’ sanity for enduring this for the past 24 odd years that I’ve been alive. How hard my dad must have worked, the extra hours he must have put driving the taxi while holding his full time job must have been a strain on him while we were younger. Yet I’ve always had a very available dad. Yet this dad still helped with the dishes, fold the laundry and had a lap for me to lie on.

I’m glad that this Ramadhan, my sister and I were able to give back to my parents. May Allah swt always open our eyes to the realities of life, may He grant us humility and may He grant our parents the highest of Jannah. I’m glad that they could finally feel some relieve. Time to sit back Ibu. We got this, Alhamdulilah.

Dear Hafizah, never forget the Magic

There’s magic in Ramadhan.

The coming together of family, food, the prayer sessions that bonds.

It starts the same, Ibu will be yelling incessantly, nagging us to eat. Ayah warning everyone to not go back to sleep until we do our Subuh. The days moves on and during iftar, my sister will begin her spiel.

” Can I just do 8 rakaats for Terawih please?”

“My toes are aching, eyes itching”

Theres magic in how humble the food can be but how hearty the meal is.

Theres magic in bazaar Ramadhan and walking around with Mr Meow contemplating what food we should get, the latest craze we should try. Foreheads gleaming in the steam bath that is Geylang.

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Allah swt saw that our generation will lose touch with family. He saw that we have too much deficit in our soul, that when we put too much into work, we will forget our other responsibilities. So He gave us Ramadhan.

We can even go shopping! It’s like makruh or something if you don’t. 🙆🏼

Ramadhan Mubarak everyone!

Home Reno look book :)

 

Whenever I see pretty homes, my heart skips a beat.

Ok fine, many many beats.

It makes me weak in my knees I tell you.

I know more than anything that what makes a home is family. And I would like to start our home with as much barakkah as possible.

(And as little debts lol.)

But.

I’ve endlessly screenshot things on my laptop and phone I thought compiling it in a post makes the most sense. And if a certain someone accidentally sees this, ie. Mr Meow, I want like this please please please I’ll iron all your white shirts for a whole year.

Here goes nothing. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim may Allah bless this dream and make it come true Ammeeeennnnn!

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Colour scheme

 

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Sofa mat salleh empuk empuk kind yang tidur air liur basi keluar tak bangun bangun

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Empuk bed with movable over the bed table to facilitate breakfast (lunch and dinner) in bed.

 

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Floral wall paper for my study room

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Wainscotting, wainscotting, wainscotting

Classic door and window panels

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Blue is such a pretty colour to be in the kitchen ❤

Gold chrome handles are just.. sigh.

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Chairs must be able to slide under the table, plenty of storage at the bottom

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How my kitchen looks like for now

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Grohe stainless steel matte taps, kitchen aid, dyson vacuum

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But..

We plan and Allah plans.

And He indeed is the best planner.