Making hard decisions

I think.. all my life, I’ve yet to make difficult decisions.

Everything was just one step after another.  Most of my peers felt the same way too. If you do reasonably well in school, you go through the system that has been evenly paved out for you.

I went to school, did my A’s, went to Uni, fell in love.

I never had to take no for an answer. If it was something I really wanted, I probably could find a way to get it. Come hell or high water, Nur Hafizah never really hears “No”. She hears “maybe”, “possibly”, “only with the right incentive of course 😉 ” instead.

I’ve realised how much of an ego booster that is. And this perception of self-fulfilment.. well, it’s just a farce.

I finally understand now how tidy plans can never happen without the help of the Almighty. And I’ve just been lucky to have all the stars aligned. (Alhamdulilah)

But what happens when the cookie no longer crumbles my way? There’s no charts to fill in, tables to determine the best probability forward. How does one use her “instincts” if it has not been honed before?

So these past few days, it’s been Tahajjud prayers for me. Somehow, when I wake up for Subuh after, I no longer feel the weight heavy against my chest. I mean, my body had ran out of snot already, it’s all dry and crumbly on the prayer mat 😀

I’ve been cheating a little too. I’m asking Allah swt not to grant me patience, but instead, just take it all away already and make things easy for me. Lol, always the cop out way.

But in all honesty, I pray for all of you to have peace and happiness in your lives. And the ability to go through hardships with grace. I hope that you too could spare a prayer for me. Remember, don’t ask God for patience for me ok, tell Him I’m weak and ask Him to take it all away already!! :p



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