I think.. all my life, I’ve yet to make difficult decisions.
Everything was just one step after another. Most of my peers felt the same way too. If you do reasonably well in school, you go through the system that has been evenly paved out for you.
I went to school, did my A’s, went to Uni, fell in love.
I never had to take no for an answer. If it was something I really wanted, I probably could find a way to get it. Come hell or high water, Nur Hafizah never really hears “No”. She hears “maybe”, “possibly”, “only with the right incentive of course 😉 ” instead.
I’ve realised how much of an ego booster that is. And this perception of self-fulfilment.. well, it’s just a farce.
I finally understand now how tidy plans can never happen without the help of the Almighty. And I’ve just been lucky to have all the stars aligned. (Alhamdulilah)
But what happens when the cookie no longer crumbles my way? There’s no charts to fill in, tables to determine the best probability forward. How does one use her “instincts” if it has not been honed before?
So these past few days, it’s been Tahajjud prayers for me. Somehow, when I wake up for Subuh after, I no longer feel the weight heavy against my chest. I mean, my body had ran out of snot already, it’s all dry and crumbly on the prayer mat 😀
I’ve been cheating a little too. I’m asking Allah swt not to grant me patience, but instead, just take it all away already and make things easy for me. Lol, always the cop out way.
But in all honesty, I pray for all of you to have peace and happiness in your lives. And the ability to go through hardships with grace. I hope that you too could spare a prayer for me. Remember, don’t ask God for patience for me ok, tell Him I’m weak and ask Him to take it all away already!! :p
If you guys grew up in a big family, you’d know how hard it is to keep things to yourself.
You don’t close your bedroom door unless you’re changing, or keeping the aircon in. You are expected to be present; Netflix together in the living room, eating together when you’re home. And today had to be a Sunday. That means the world and their issues would be home.
Well today, I was stuck in a conundrum because there’s no way I could go home tear-streaked blotchy face. I walked around the estate, and then some more before my armpits started dripping in the steambath that is singapore #whatatraitor
Went home anyway after scrubbing my face clean. I actually bought $2.50 packet of tissues from NTUC because all the $1 tissue Aunties and Uncles are prolly on leave/conspiring against me. Almost immediately my mum caught on. I must have reeked despair. Might as well carry a sign. What a waste of $2.50
So here I am, sitting in the toilet every time I feel a crying jag coming. 😦
This Ramadhan and Hari Raya was indeed a blessed one, I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the number of ways how it was great
I got to spend the entire month without a single work responsibility
I cooked, shopped, made kuihs (which I coerced people into eating, lol!), prayed teraweeh, khatam the quran
Along was around for the first time in 6 years.
And because her wedding had a grand total of 50 odd attendees (<3) my parents thought that it would be a good idea for us to have a small open house so that family that couldn’t come for the wedding could come for this instead. In this 25 years that I’ve been alive, we barely go out for raya, or had much guests for raya let alone have an open house.
And you would think that an open house is easy right…? You cook a little, you clean a little, and that should be it.
My mom went absolutely nutso batso.
Suddenly, the carpet did not match the ceiling, the water wasn’t wet enough.
She got inspired and wanted to be a gardener, a chef, a professional cleaner all in one day.
Well, her idea(s), my execution (of course).
Have you guys been in a situation where you had to lug huge ass indoor plants by yourself, cart them into an uber to ikea to buy more shenanigans then cart the WHOLE loot back home on another uber?? Ya, me neither. Until 4 weeks ago that is. #nasibbaiksayang #anaksyurga LOL.
She even lifted her “no artificial sweeteners for children” mantra and got cotton candy, lollies, chocolate fondue all for the little (and not so little) guests.
Ibu cooked up a storm, we ensured that every corner of the house sparkled and ibu even tried to sneak ah moo and twinkleboobs into the washing machine. #theydidnotappreciateit #theyareclean #thankyouverymuch
I had a blast being with family, my grandmothers especially.
I could tell that Ayah especially was proud that he has reliable children (READ: daughters) that he could count on to keep the food warm, to entertain the guests and clean after the mess once it was all said and done.
Perhaps next raya, Insyallah, I would be settled in my own home.
But this right here, will always be home and family.