I wouldn’t get married

I don’t think marriage works without God.

And I wouldn’t get married if I didn’t believe in a religion that propagates marriage.

Here’s why.

You see, the concomitant dilemma of modern day marriages is this; people get married for love, to be happy

But they divorce, not because they are not happy, but they could be happier

with someone else, something else

This is what happens when you live in an individualistic society.

We are inherently selfish creatures. Women want from men what men can’t give because they are just not wired the same way and vice versa.

We contradict ourselves with our wants.

In the words of Esther Perel, top marriage counsellor and psychotherapist ,

On one hand, we want security, predictability ,safety, dependability, reliability, permanence. These anchoring grounding experiences in our lives.

But we have an equally strong need for surprise, for adventure, novelty, mystery, risk, the unknown, unexpected.

Reconciling it into one relationship is a contradiction in terms.

We come to one person for the things an entire village used to provide;

give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity

but give me transcendence, mystery and awe

comfort and edge

novelty and familiarity

predictability and surprise

we think it’s a given and toys and lingerie will save us.

 

 

So why do we get married? Why do we give out a part of ourselves for this institution, commit our lives to another that can’t give what we idealistically want?

Because Allah swt has promised that a woman that takes care of her prayers, protects her chastity and makes her husband happy, will be able to enter jannah from whichever door she chooses.

And that’s enough for me.

If we see only what is in front of us, our struggles and sacrifices without having a clear sight of the end, everlasting goal, the institution of marriage will never work. If we only see our husbands as liabilities, his shortcomings to what he actually provides, our early mornings to prepare breakfasts and our daily responsibilities to keep house while building a career, our marriages will never work.

Theres something greater than all of us.

Have faith.

And Hafizah, time to finish up your assignments :p

 

So(l) Excited!

Things in school have been completely overwhelming..

giphy (2)

So when you are down you must always think about the good things right!

Yessa!

I was thinking that perhaps I should blog about the whole buying house process. I’ve seen a lot of BTBs blogging about their BTO process and it’s pretty straightforward me thinks cos, its Singapore and gahment’s processes are quite streamlined. But a little hard to find info for ECs!

I wrote here about searching for a resale flat and we were mostly looking at EMs because we both felt that space is good. And I wanted to have something with an outdoor balcony. Mr Law wants Kopitiams and 24hours food places.

But the resale market is tough man! We can’t seem to find a value for money purchase that’s just right for us.

We never considered BTO cos we didn’t think we could wait it out + we did not want to live with our parents.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. I mean pahala banyak jaga orang tua. Kalau ada dugaan tu, tu kan chance dapat lebih pahala by being sabar.

But. Susah bebb, I need to think of Mr Law and his needs too 🙂

That was when Fazee (SIL) told me to have a look at Sol Acres. Sol Acres is an EC, straddled between Gombak, Choa Chu Kang and Bukit Panjang.

I fell for it instantly.

giphy (3)

Location: Proximity to both our parents, LRTs, MRTs, Work

Size: Healthy 99sqm 3 bedder (typical of BTOs, sliighhttllyy larger then some) And ok laaa. Pool view didn’t hurt either.

Ammenities: Shuttle to Jurong East, Condo facilities.

4Ms: Makan(Kopitiam), Malls, Market, Maccas.

Price point: Competitive. It’s very comparable to the EMs we would have paid for, low maintenance fee (what you would pay for a regular HDB) but with condo amenities. 🙂 

Others: Finishings done! Alhamdulilah! Save $$. I like that we have a number of Malay neighbours, that we have our small outdoor balcony where I envision our families coming together for birthdays etc. Or more like it’ll be a deck where all the makcik makciks and neneks neneks in mah life yelling for their kids to get out of the pool. Tu pon apa salahnya 🙂

So we took a chance, did Istikharah and signed out the dotted lines.

Screen Shot 2017-03-16 at 2.52.30 PM.png

I made Mr Law sign first cause my hand was trembling. 

Things to note: 

Unlike the BTO process, you can just walk into the showroom point point, talk talk, sign sign and in 1-2 years time get your home.

There’s no queue number, no waiting game, no ballot for choosing your unit. Everything on a just come and we will serve basis.

Everyone is so nice to you (they have a 2% commission), offers you drinks and you pretty much float in and out.

  1. When you are planning to get an EC, you should be prepared to part with at least $700k for a 3 bedder.
  2. You will be eligible for the first timer grant *only*. No other grants.
  3. There is an income ceiling of $14,000 but ask the developer for possibilities if your combined income edges pass this ceiling!
  4. If you have a HDB and are planning to upgrade, there is a tax imposed on you.

“Jeng jeng jeng”

Things to prepare with immediate effect

5% of property price for booking fees (in cash immediately)

15% upon Sales and Purchase agreement (usually in 8 weeks. Transaction to the lawyer; see below)

$2,500 lawyer conveying fees to set up your Sales and Purchase agreement (I did not lift a finger. My agent set it up)

$800 to the banker to set up your Housing Loan. (We went to OCBC. My agent set it up. You can go anywhere. The banks are having a price war so go and take advantage of them!)

$16,000 buyer’s stamp duty (paid to said conveyance lawyer)

Screen Shot 2017-03-16 at 2.38.48 PM.png

What I’m looking forward to the most is to get a Single Bed in the room so we can cuddle closer 🙂 and have space to pray jemaah together. I’m looking forward to family, to the new adventures.

Yes. So.. I’m a fresh grad (NUS) doing my Post grad studies in NIE now. Mr Law has been in the legal profession for the past 3 years.

We are not exactly rolling in it. And while I’ve always been financially independent, this is the single biggest purchase of our lives. But Alhamdulilah, with hard work, perseverance and starving here and there, we are doing alright Insyallah.

Yes guys, thats my stomach growling.

 

Kau da kenapa? (What’s wrong with you)

 

I had my education psychology test today. And Alhamdulilah, everything went pretty well 🙂

giphy (1)

Screen Shot 2017-03-15 at 9.00.31 PM.png

Kids, bad news. You just got to study. 

But the problem with theories is just that. It’s theoratical.

So over the past few weeks, I’ve felt my teaching style evolving. Learned already what!

On the evenings, I’ll map out exactly how I thought I could help these midgets.

Screen Shot 2017-03-15 at 9.08.38 PM.pngUsing these kiddos like lab rats, I’ll systematically go through the list of of do’s and don’ts of Pak Cik Vygotsky and Piaget’s advice. And the different ways to spot misbehaviour and reason behind them etc etc.

Dengan confidentnye, I will go in to class well prepared. I was all *bring it on guys*

giphy

So.

20 minutes of games (since it’s the last day before March holidays)

Back to class for Maths

Me: Class, I am going to nominate M to be the Class Leader. She has demonstrated… And from now onwards, she will mark attendance

S: But Cher! I thought that’s my job!?

Me: But S, you are usually late for class and I need someone more responsible. Can you show me that you can be.. (insert Ginott positive climate/reinforcement)

S: Da la cher! Forget it! I don’t care. (Proceeds to take all the chocolate I bought for everyone and lay his head on the table)

Me: S.. That’s not fair. The chocolate is not yours alone. I know you can be more responsible. But can you show it to me? Prove it to me. (Calm down Hafizah. Avoid power struggle AVOID AVOID!!?>%*^(*&(

S: Continues to ignore me. When he was asleep, his friends proceed to steal the chocolate (THEY HAD WON WITHOUT HIS HELP) from beneath his desk. At 9pm sharp, he left without a word.

Guys. Do you know how long and detailed my lesson plan for that day was?

And just to have these people break down on me. AT THE VERY FIRST MINUTE.

ISH! Give chance la!

Kids. Especially secondary school kids.

Kau da kenapa nak.

Screen Shot 2017-03-10 at 10.16.03 PM.png

SIGH