I don’t think marriage works without God.
And I wouldn’t get married if I didn’t believe in a religion that propagates marriage.
You see, the concomitant dilemma of modern day marriages is this; people get married for love, to be happy
But they divorce, not because they are not happy, but they could be happier
with someone else, something else
This is what happens when you live in an individualistic society.
We are inherently selfish creatures. Women want from men what men can’t give because they are just not wired the same way and vice versa.
We contradict ourselves with our wants.
In the words of Esther Perel, top marriage counsellor and psychotherapist ,
On one hand, we want security, predictability ,safety, dependability, reliability, permanence. These anchoring grounding experiences in our lives.
But we have an equally strong need for surprise, for adventure, novelty, mystery, risk, the unknown, unexpected.
Reconciling it into one relationship is a contradiction in terms.
We come to one person for the things an entire village used to provide;
give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity
but give me transcendence, mystery and awe
comfort and edge
novelty and familiarity
predictability and surprise
we think it’s a given and toys and lingerie will save us.
So why do we get married? Why do we give out a part of ourselves for this institution, commit our lives to another that can’t give what we idealistically want?
Because Allah swt has promised that a woman that takes care of her prayers, protects her chastity and makes her husband happy, will be able to enter jannah from whichever door she chooses.
And that’s enough for me.
If we see only what is in front of us, our struggles and sacrifices without having a clear sight of the end, everlasting goal, the institution of marriage will never work. If we only see our husbands as liabilities, his shortcomings to what he actually provides, our early mornings to prepare breakfasts and our daily responsibilities to keep house while building a career, our marriages will never work.
Theres something greater than all of us.
And Hafizah, time to finish up your assignments :p