24 and in debt.

Yep.

Kirim salam to that Chanel Boy Bag for pasar days, Saint Laurent Sac De Jour to carry my markings. What Hermes. It’s Herschel for the forseeable future.

#criesblood

#sampaikansalamkepadaCikChanel #janganlupaPakPrada

Hahaha, but truthfully, the butterfly in my stomach feeling I get when I pass these boutiques is no longer there.

Somewhere between starving for my first Classic Lambskin flap with gold hardware and turning 22…

I turned 22. 

And started thinking really hard about what I wanted to do in my life.

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You see, while most of my peers flitted through school and the occasional odd jobs,

I worked. Hard.

I earned enough to sustain a living for myself and to even support people I thought were important to me at that point of time. And Alhamdulilah, I did a damn good job in doing so.

And now, at my first formal job at 24, Mr Law can tell you that I’m pulling my weight on the house payment front.

Our monthly cash payments, scheduled to end by the time we move in, is equally shared.

Yes guys, equally. And yes, instant noodles is so yums. Have you tried grass? Add some soil to that for extra seasoning. 

These upcoming months will be the tightest we both will be financially.

And Insyallah, when I turn 26, I’ll be a proud (half) houseowner to our very own home.

Well, Mr Law and I, and the bank.

#ishsibukjer

#youthirdwheelerOCBCyou

And I hear Versace has their own home collection line. Hehehe.

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Mr Law: No Hafizah. 

Me: Ala. 

Gratitude and God

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Moomers is taking a break from studying to pen this down 🙂

Gratitude

Such a simple word with so much depth and meaning.

I try not to dwell on negative things, not only because of the utter pointlessness of it all,

but also because there is so much things to be grateful for.

There is no shame about not farting rainbows and butterflies everyday.

But to let problems overwhelm you, and consume you. To let it cloud the bright speck of hope that this, too, shall pass, is like washing rice and worrying about that one grain that fell into the drain while sieving the water out.

Come on guys! That grain of rice is telling you that it doesn’t matter. It’s joining all the other grains that fell through in rice heaven!

But this positive thinking, it’s all going to be ok mentality, has been instilled in me from young.

When my parents were young parents of 3 with no money, living in a rented one room flat in Marsiling Crescent, my dad had to work two jobs driving taxi at night. He was beating red lights because he fell asleep behind the wheel. I learnt that it was going to be ok because my dad still came home with a smile on his face, my mum still made hot tea from the same tea bag reused twice now.

 I learnt to write my first appeal letter to the government when I was 12. Now I write appeal letters with flourish.

I learnt that it’s ok to raise children with no television and fancy toys. I learnt that it was better to spend time in the library instead of the movies because the former is free and has a million stories waiting to be told.

Despite being poor, we were never unhappy or hungry. I grew up in a family of devoted Muslim parents.

I guess this self reflection is spurred on by something that I found disturbing on fb the other day..

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I no longer “follow” this troubled person on FB but his clear unhappiness striked a chord. I have noticed that for years now, every thing about him is a litany of angry posts. Apparently for 29 years of his life, whatever good he does turns out bad.

Today, my dad told us how he found my mum an “iron lady” because for the past 29 years of marriage, my mum almost never misses her pre-dawn praying rituals.

This is at 3am, where you are viced down to the comforts of bed and gently cacooned by its warmth, my mom would wake up and pray. She’ll pray for health, for protection, for guidance. She once told her friends that her motivation behind the daily prayers is “her love for her children”.

“If you love your children, pray for them”

My mom often told me that no religious man ever have a difficult life.

And truly, based on my own observations, a man of spirituality has an ease to him.

Because if you are able to surrender your worries to God, when you are connected to a higher power.. that is a burden off your shoulders.

My dad comes home everyday with a smile on his face. My mum will gently stir diluted tea, sharing her funny stories from her day.

Because you see, in the words of the most powerful woman of our generation, Miss Oprah Winfrey;

God

The Alpha and Omega.

The omnipresent, the omniscient, the ultimate consciousness.

The source, the force, the all of everything.

The one and only.

That presence, the flow, the grace that has been working in every corner of my life

It’s yours if you let it in.

It’s closer than breath, and yours for the asking.

Be still and know it.

Every move and decision,

wait.

Listen for the guidance greater than your meager mind.

And everyday, my dad still comes home with a smile on his face.

My mom still makes tea from the teabag, reused twice now.

Musings

The first meow is 1 year old!

Started from the ashes of heartbreak, snot and tears.. I was moping around needing an outlet to vent.. You should have seen me with greasy hair bubbling around the house because of my toe injury. Mannnnnn. I was a sight. Ish, I wouldn’t stand too close, much less date me! Every pore was oozing invisible waves of rancid depression-like-BO. Betul!

I’m glad this site is becoming more and more positive each day! Alhamdulilah 🙂 Happiness is a choice. You can either look at every set back as a stepping stone of which you learn from, or choose to see it as a negative smudge in your life. Your choice. Plus, do you still remember that you have God??! Ahh, pray and ask for guidance, ask for peace of mind. Sure Ok! I promise.

Do I have worries?

Of course!

There’s a tiny thing about how work is stacking up and every notification from my phone might just be an assignment reminder :X

Or how another huge mortgage payment to our house is due in 6 days *gulp*

Or the fact that I’ve not been gymming + indulging waaay too much my body feels lethargic. ISH!

But there are positive things too!

  1. What I’m learning in school now is exactly what I want to do. It’s great to be in company of like-minded minds 🙂  Plus, I got this view from my dorm.
  2. I have a game plan with the mortgage payment. and 6 days is still SIX days. Have faith 🙂
  3. I’ve been expanding exponentially because things have been great! Alhamdulilah. The change in schedule has messed up certain arrangements I had. Aishah, my Secondary School Higher Malay classmate turned Cikgu Melayu herself got married and I had to eat at her event! Geez, how to say no to good Briyani??! I had Briyani 4 times that week Masyallah-sis-are-you-nuts but its soooo worth it.

    Taken by Mr Law 🙂

    Congrats Aishah baby! You looked beautiful and have a blessed marriage!!

I’m heading to the gym now. Nipping the problem right in the butt I say! Toodles!